Coaching with me is fluid, experiential and rich. This is your ride, so we use your life as the template. Life is always giving you feedback or information from which to grow and evolve.
For me, physical pain, frustration and feeling unworthy were the first life cues I paid attention to. I spent a lot of time trying to cover them up or change my external circumstances to ‘fix’ these conditions, but they were merely informing me of the need for a deeper change. They were like the gauges in my car telling me my tank was empty or my engine was too hot. Covering up the gauges or ignoring them wouldn’t resolve them. I was going to have to stop and fill my tank or let the engine cool off! So, once it got bad enough, and I finally became ready to listen and respond in a new way, I began to experience relief and freedom from suffering.
Knowing that we all move at our own pace, here is a learning progression model outlining the four stages of awareness. This is essential for every client to be aware of.
1) Many people in the world do not seek out coaching because they are in this 1st Stage:
UNCONSCIOUSLY UNSKILLFUL OR UNCONSCIOUSLY INCAPABLE
This means you don’t know what you don’t know! Many people move through their lives in this way, unaware that they are acting or speaking in a way that is harmful for themselves and/or others. There is no blame or judgment in this…they are just unaware and unconscious. Inevitably something or someone will come into their life and cue them to wake up, but not everyone is ready to see it.
2) Those who seek out coaching come to me in this 2nd Stage:
CONSCIOUSLY UNSKILLFUL OR CONSCIOUSLY INCAPABLE
This means they are becoming aware that they are NOT acting, thinking, feeling in a way that serves them, but they keep repeating the same pattern. They notice what they’ve done AFTER the fact, but they are unskillful in noticing the subtle cues that inform them that they are getting ready to do the same thing again.
3) The coaching work begins here….in this 3rd Stage:
CONSCIOUSLY SKILLFUL OR CONSCIOUSLY CAPABLE
This means they are pausing and noticing what is happening in the moment, or even prior to the movement so they can make a new, skillful response. This feels like a lot of work at first, but with time and mindful attention, it becomes easier.
4) Do this enough times, and you move into the final and 4th Stage:
UNCONSCIOUSLY SKILLFUL OR UNCONSCIOUSLY CAPABLE
The person no longer needs to actively “work” to bring conscious awareness to the moment, they just DO. It is how they move through this aspect of their life.
It’s important to recognize that as this person moves into Stage #4 within one part of their life (or one segment on the Wheel of Health), they may be on Stage #1 in another part. Some get stuck between Stage #2 and Stage #3, going back and forth, never consistently bringing consciousness to the behavior.
This is the beauty of the coaching process, 1-having someone to regularly check in with about the change process, 2-to recognize the signs within each stage, 3-to identify barriers and possible solutions, 4-to celebrate and build upon one change after another. Every step of the way, you are developing the skills and tools to shift the next pattern, limiting thought or behavior that comes into your awareness.
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